Tea Porn in the Cameron Highlands.

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Warning: graphic content ahead. British readers in particular may become irrevocably aroused, and should avert their eyes if they can’t contain themselves.

Admit it — you think tea is sexy.

In a way, tea is kind of like the perfect romantic partner: it’s warm and nourishing, smooth and sensual, makes you feel good about yourself when you’re wrapped up in trackies and sheltering from the rain, full of immuno-boosting qualities, and smells just darn divine.

And, if tea is the perfect romantic partner, then tea fields are the heaven that he/she fell from.

The Cameron Highlands in Malaysia are designed for the most passionate of tea lovers. 5000 feet above sea level, conditions are perfect for growing that steamy, sultry brew you so unabashedly desire. All you can see for miles around are rolling, luscious hills, ideally cultivated and zigzagged with the late afternoon shadows of glossy tea leaves. Temperamental weather sets the mood: a frivolous, flirty cup when the sun bathes the fields in a golden glow, or deep and stormy when the clouds creep in. Practiced fingers tantalise the freshly plucked leaves, their owners hauling bundles over their shoulders with sweat and urgency, yet exuding effortlessness and control.

The process of picking the leaves to ultimately erect your perfect cup of tea, as though designed by gods themselves, works like a well-oiled machine. It’s a feast for the eyes and soul: a total pleasure house.

Tell me, tea fiends…do you dare feast yourself?

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You do, don’t you?

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I knew it. You can’t control yourself. That’s just as well…

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Ooh! You weren’t expecting that, were you? Tell me…can you resist these long, hard stalks?

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It’s okay. It’s only natural to go with the flow…you’re in love.

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This here is where tea — that suave but gentle thing — meets the heavens. And what a magnificent unification of two bodies!

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Submit to the beauty of it all. Relax as you find yourself being drawn closer…close enough to breathe in the luscious scents of romance.

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Be tempted by its lush curves and ripples. They’re all natural, baby.

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You’re intertwined now — there’s no escape. Don’t be scared…we’re just getting started.

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You can see it; you can practically taste it. Come closer still…pure pleasure is just within your reach.

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Breathe deeply. Have faith. There’s nothing between you and your deepest desires. Just arrive.

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Yes! Yes! This is how you like it…lime green and ripe for plucking. It’s all just a bit too overwhelming…

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It’s time to ride. The road’s a little bumpy, but that’s fine…you like it when things are a little rough. Hard and rough.

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Like this cat, you just can’t handle the pleasure anymore. You need a release, and know just where to find it. You’re nearly there…

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So close…

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OH!

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Uummph!

*Sigh*. That was wonderful, wasn’t it?

Was it good for you, too? Do you wish to express your deepest desire for tea? Tempt us with your words…wear a condom. Erm, I mean, leave a comment.

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